Andrea, In Passing

Last couple of weeks I have really been thinking about this song that I thought would have been perfect for the movie Twilight. I have never made a fan favorite movie before but I thought I might as well give it a try. So I looked online and found some free movie making software that Windows offers and I made this video.

I know that teenage girls are the one who usually make video's like these, especially to the movie Twilight, which is fine. But the part I like best about this whole process and the time spent working on this was the fact that it got me editing again. It's what I went to college for and I forgotten how much I missed it.



So now that I am more comfortable working with the movie maker program I want to make more. I think I want to try and do a compilation movie of all the home videos I have of my son. I'm not sure yet, but one thing I do know is that I can't wait to get started.

Thanks for watching the video and I hope you like it.

5 Years

In five years so much can change in a person's life. I don't know if I would even recognize the person I was before I got pregnant. And at the time I would have never imagined myself were I am today. My son is the one that changed all that. He has become the light in my heart that has made me want to become a better person. A person that wants to make a future for herself.

I had some professional pictures done recently and I just got them back today. One of those pictures is a picture of my son with a beloved monkey named ChaCha. That monkey was also in my son's birth announcement just over 5 years ago. I love them both and I have to share how much my son has grown in the past 5 years.

He has gotten so big, so independent and so remarkable.

Day 21: I am grateful for luck

Mason won a PS3 today from his local dentist. Last Friday we went in for a routine cleaning and they were having a raffle for all the kids that came in that month. So I filled a ticket out and we left. I have never really won anything in a raffle so I was going to through the ticket away but I decided to keep it, just in case.

Well they called me today and told me that Mason had won. I am still having a hard time believing it but they took his picture and they are going to put it up on their website.

I am so excited for Mason but I am also a little concerned. I truly feel that there has to be a balance of good and bad in every one's lives and when you have something really lucky happen to you, you are eventually going to have something really bad happen. I am thinking it will be the possible surgeries that Mason will need to have in the future and not anything that I won't be able to help comfort him for.

But that is tomorrow and so today I am grateful for the luck that Mason received and I hope he enjoys his new PS3.

Day 20: I am grateful for creativity

I went out today and got all the things I needed to make Mason's Halloween costume. He is going to be Peter Pan this year, so I really wanted to represent a lot of nature and green. First I started with a website that shows you how to make home made costumes. I got my inspiration and hit the local Salvation Army.

I a green shirt, knife and belt for REALLY cheap and I got the rest from the local Micheal's.

I think it is coming along really nice. I am glad I did not opt out and got Mason some generic Halloween costume. I grateful that I get to make it and especially that he loves to wear it.

Day 19: I am grateful for poetry

I borrowed "The Best Love Poems of the American People" from the local library and I have not been able to put it down. I forgot how much I loved poetry and the emotions it can build within you. Here is one of my favorites so far:

"Our Heroes"
Here's a hand to the boy who has courage
To do what he knows to be right;
When he falls in the way of temptation,
He has a hard battle to fight.
Who strives against self and his comrades
Will find a most powerful foe.
All honor to him if he conquers.
A cheer for the boy who says 'No!"

There's many a battle fought daily
The world knows nothing about;
There's many a brave little soldier
Whose strength puts a legion to rout.
And he who fights sin single handed
Is more of a hero, I say,
Than he who leads soldiers to battle
And conquers by arms in the fray.

Be steadfast, my boy, when you're tempted,
To do what you know to be right.
Stand firm by the colors of manhood,
And you will o'ercome in the fight.

"The right," be your battle cry ever
In waging the warfare of life,
And God, who knows who are the heroes,
Will give you the strength for the strife.

- Phoebe Cary

This is dedicated to the young men who ended their lives because of bullying, before they realized how much of a hero they were and how much more there is to living.

Day 18: I am grateful for the thrill of finding a solution to a problem

Short and sweet. I am grateful for finally finding out why TV has not worked for the last two and half months. The only thing I am not grateful for it the knowledge that it was my fault it was not working, not because a defective video card.

Sorry for all the hate Polaroid. But at my defense....I sent you the the A/C adaptor both times I shipped the TV and your repair guys never once looked at it to see if the adaptor was the problem or not. So it was partly your fault as well but I hope we can still be friends?

Day 17: I am grateful for lazy Sunday afternoons

I am grateful for just what I stated, lazy Sunday afternoons where it is just me and Mason. Ending a perfect weekend with some play time at the park. Could any mother be so lucky.

Day 16: I am grateful for the local YMCA.

Today and all summer long I have been grateful for the local YMCA. Their indoor pool has enabled hours and hours of "together time" for me and my son. Today, after nap, we again hit the pool for a little splash, a lot of laughs, and a couple of hugs and kisses. I know it means a lot to Mason to have that time together, just the two of us, and I am so grateful to be with him as well. To enjoy being goofy with him before he turns into a teenager and wants nothing to do with me. Just kidding. I think because we have the special moments together while he is young, that our bond when he is his older will be that much stronger.

Day 15: I am grateful for goofy class pictures.

I got Mason's Kindergarten class picture today. I love them, goofy smile and all. It is just so Mason. Even during a "serious" picture he never loses that little bit of himself that makes me love him so much.

I don't have any of my class pictures, so here is a picture of me just a few months younger then Mason but the year I went into Kindergarten.

I may not have the classic smile but I do have the hair....

So today I am grateful that we take class pictures so that we can always remember how our children were way back when......and to show every single potential girlfriend. Fun times ahead.

Day 14: I am grateful for long walks on cloudy days.

Instead of driving I decided to use my feet and walk to the post office and grocery store. I loved it. I was a bit sweaty at the end but it felt good to be out and about saving my car, saving the environment and saving my health all at the same time. And the cloudy day made it just perfect for a little me time. Again I LOVED IT and I am so grateful to be able to take the time and walk.

Day 13: I am grateful for my son's health.

Today I finally watched the video from my Treacher Collins Syndrome (TCS) group about a little boy who died on September 27 2010. I cried so hard. My heart goes out to the parents of Darren. I am so sorry for your loss. Words cannot express the sadness I feel at the moment. My heart also goes out to Jamie Rose Mahan, who at 27 lost her life to TCS. There have been so may complications due to Treacher Collins Syndrome and I am forever grateful that, for today, my son is alive an well.

So to all those parents out there, take a second and hug your child, you never know if it will be the last.

Day 12: I am grateful for those nights when you snuggle up and go to bed early.

I didn't post what I was grateful for yesterday becasue, as the title states, I snuggled up and went to bed early. It was wonderful.

Day 11: I am grateful for my health

Today on the way to apple picking I saw a car crash on the side of the road. We were driving on the freeway and I looked over and saw a car that went down the hill at an on-ramp and hit a tree. First thing I noticed was there was no smoke coming from the car and the second was that someone had stopped on the curve of the on-ramp and was walking towards the car. I took one last quick look back and noticed that the drivers side door of the crashed car was open and a something blue was on the ground outside of it. I do not know, or could tell, if this was a person or a jacket but I was glad that someone was able to stop to help whoever had crashed. All this happened within about 2 seconds.

I spent the next few minutes thinking about if I should call 911. I was unfamiliar with the area. I didn't even know what on-ramp it was. How could I help? But then I got to thinking about if it were me, the one who crashed or the one who had stopped. What if they didn't have a phone and only needed one person to tell the police where to start looking and I was that one person.

In those few minutes I was also so grateful that I was safe and healthy in our car and not the person who had crashed. Their lives and those around them would be forever changed. I did end up calling 911 and I told them as much as I could. At least I made the call to help them in any way I could. I am glad I did. I think it would weigh on my mind now if I didn't at least make a call. Tried.

Although I enjoyed apple picking I could still see that car in the back of my mind. So today I am so grateful for my health. No car crashed, no broken bones and no hospital trips. Just apples and memories.

Day 10: I am grateful for mini adventures.

My son and I had a mini adventure today. We chose a road and we took it. Didn't matter where it lead or where it would go. The only part was that we were together and enjoyed the day. It was one of the nicest days that we have had in a few weeks and the last, I think, we will have in a while.

We ended up driving next to a trout lake, so we pulled over and hiked through a little bit of wilderness to end up a great little shore. Full of rocks, sticks, and swans. Everything a little boy and a grateful mommy could need.

We had lunch at a cute family deli in Somers, NY where the logo was, displayed outside the front door, "You enter as a stranger but you leave as family". This was right next to an historic monument called the Elephant Hotel. A pretty little spot full of charm and of course the Fall color. The is only the second time I have experienced Fall on the east coast but it still stands (under my son) as one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen.

I am so grateful to be able to spend the day with my son for our mini adventure.

Day 9: I am grateful for John Lennon

Today I am grateful John Lennon. He would have celebrated his 70th birthday today and he has played a big part of my up bringing. I listened to the Beatles through most of my childhood, and in my adult life, but for the the safety of others I won't go into much of it.

John Lennon has been there to express many feelings I wouldn't normally be able to express. From Strawberry Hills Forever, which I used to sing almost everyday when I was a KJ to Across the Universe that brought me such peace when I was in times of trouble. This is just the tip of the iceberg...there has been so many songs that either the Beatles or John Lennon have sung that have brought me to tears. So I am so grateful for John Lennon, on his birthday, for all the music he has brought into this world. Thank you John. You are missed.

Day 8: I am grateful for people who care.

OK so here is the story. Last February I bought a Polaroid TV. Two months ago it stopped working. The picture would come on for a second and then the screen would go blank. I called Polaroid and they said it was still under warranty and to ship it to their repair shop in MN, at my expense.

Two weeks later the TV is shipped back to me, with a note from the repair man stating that their was in fact no problem with the TV and no action was taken. So I hesitantly plugged the system back in, inserted the cable and turned on the TV. To my utter disappointment the picture came on for a second and then went blank. I called Polaroid right away and as nicely as possible, I explained the situation.

I called on a Friday, they said I would receive a packing slip by Monday and I would just have to drop the TV off at a UPS store and they would ship out a new TV to me. Once week later, on the following Friday, I had to call them back saying I STILL had not received the packing slip and they needed to email it to me ASAP!!!! The next day I dropped the TV off and it was shipped back to where ever it needed to go.

Last week I received a call, from Polaroid, saying they tested the TV again and.......dramatic pause......there was no problem with it and they would be shipping it back to me!!!!! I again called back right away, talked to the supervisor who just told me, over and over again, that the repair department sent him pictures of my "working TV" and there was nothing he could about it. The problem was on my end and that I should try to find some other TV and try to hook it up to see it experiences the same problem.

Long story short, I called again today to ask for the tracking number of my TV so I would be here when it was delivered. I then waited patiently for the person to look it up and get back to me. Did he give me a tracking number? No, he said that there is NO information about where my TV is and the "only person" he can ask about it is not available. At that point I had no words, speechless. Did anyone care!!!

So even though Polaroid does not hire people that care, I know that there are still people out there who do. Who give a crap about helping someone else, not because they are paid for it!! But because they want to.

So to few of you out there, I say....Thank you.

Day 7: I am grateful for "Genius" on iTunes

Today I am ever so grateful for "Genius" on iTunes. Today I had to make a 30min drive to another town to take a class on how to find a job. So to make the drive a little better, I decided to make a fun play list for my iPod. So I picked my favorite "car rock'n out song" which, at the moment, happens to be "Novotel" by Adam Green.

Once I had my song, all I needed to do was hit the "Genius" button and iTunes picked 24 other songs that would go well with it. Then I created a new playlist on my iPod and transfered the songs over. The playlist were perfect. I had a blast driving and I got to car-dance all the way there. The music even made traffic seem better.

But wait I am not done with my gratitude yet, once I returned home I went back on iTunes and this time I clicked on the "Genius Mixes" option. This was like my own personal radio station with just my favorite songs playing in the exact genre I wanted. So I got to rock out while I did the one thing I REALLY dislike....cleaning the bathroom.

So today, all my gratitude go to iTunes and their "Genius" option. Thank you, you made my day a little brighter.

Day 6: I am grateful for my son

I was going to save this for a day when I couldn't think about something to be grateful for but I couldn't even last a week not mentioning how grateful I am for my son. Not because I have nothing else to be grateful for but because he is such a special part of my life and I had to share.

As we cuddled in bed tonight he said "Mommy, I love you all the way to Saturn and Jupiter and back. {Pause} Mommy what are the names of the other planets?" My heart just melted. What a wonderful feeling to be loved so much. I think the closest thing to heaven on earth is the love from our children. He has been a true blessing and the love of my life since the day he was born.

Even though he grows more and more everyday he will always be the biggest thing I have ever been grateful for.

Day 5: I am grateful for Glee

Now that Fall has returned, it has also meant that some of my favorite shows have returned as well. Glee is one of my favorites. Not necessarily because of the story line but more for the music. I especially love it when they sing a song I have never heard before and I find that I really like it. I then go to itunes, find the song and download it. The show has opened up so much music for me that I would not have heard otherwise. Songs like: "Smile" by Lily Allen and "The Only Exception" by Paramore.

I look forward to Glee everyday and I am so grateful that it is back on the air and continues to expose me to some pretty great music

Day 4: Today I am grateful for Fall

Fall is slowly settling across the area, and at first I fought it. I told myself "No, No it's not fall yet....The warmth with return!" But now as I am bundled up in a sweater and slippers I have have come to accept that Fall is here and it has brought about a sense of peace. Fall is a season to let go of what is not working for you. Let go of the dying parts in your life....and yes you will be naked for a while, leafless, but have faith that not matter how cold it gets you will grow again. You have to let all the bad go to be ready for the good once it is time to enter your life.

I know I am analysing the season of Fall a little to much but I feel that nature, if we are open to listen, lets us know so much about how people should live their lives. So today I am grateful for Fall, to remind me that I have to let go in order to grow.

Day 3: I am grateful for trust

One definition of Trust is: reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence.

Today I am surrounded by people who trust me. Trust me with the care of their kids, trust my advice and who have trust in my love. It is funny how something we don't think about very ofter (well at least I don't) can give us (as in me) such a sense of confidence. Today, trust has truly made me feel grateful.

Day 2: I am grateful for Doris Day

I found this little known Doris Day song on one of the many cd's I borrowed from the library. I played it for Mason this morning and we both danced together. It made me so happy just to be in the moment with my son and enjoy something so simple as dancing. Afterwords he said "Mommy, I love you." My heart just melted. So thank you Doris for such a fun song and a chance to share a really special moment with my son.

Day 1: What I am Grateful For:

I heard someone talk the other day about how they are trying to post on Facebook one thing everyday that they are grateful for and I really felt a need to try the same. So for the month of October I will try and post something everyday here and on Facebook that I am grateful for. Here is day number 1:

Day 1: I am grateful for the music selection at my public library.

I went to the library and picked out so much music and I am burning it all on my computer. Right now I am listening to Johnny Cash - Complete Live At San Quentin and I LOVE it!!! Music has always made me fell so many emotions. I can't imagine life without it.

Mason gray climbs a rock wall

Easy Summer Days...

I am sad to see summer days fading, especially since I lost my job last week. Unfortunately I was laid off due to budget cuts. I have been trying to stay strong for Mason's sake, but I am a little scared. What if I can't find a job....the idea is very frightening.

The start of a new era...

My Best Friend - By Me

Since the day he was born.

And I held him in my arms.
He has been my very best friend.

He has made me laugh,

He has made me cry,
But he always has a hug to lend.

I have kissed his wounds,
And held him tight,

The first to rush to his side.

I have been his spotter,

His swing pusher,

And a catcher on the slide.

He has taught me to not be so serious,
To color outside the lines,

And to sing with all my heart.

And although he started Kindergarten,

I know deep in my soul,

My best friend and I will never grow apart.

This Moment

Inspired by Soul Momma and my sister

Family

I have really been thinking about family lately. The way my family interacts, the strengths and weakness we have. I realized something, I am sure many have known this for years but sometimes I'm a little slow like that, anyway I realized that no matter how far apart you are, your family is really the only thing you have. The only constant that will never change. No matter how many jobs, apartments, friends, cars, anything you can name, comes and goes in your life. All of it can change at any moment. But never the family you have.

Above is a picture of my Grandparents, my uncle and my father (the youngest boy). Both my grandfathers have passed away. I miss them all the time, but I take comfort in knowing they will always be my Grandpa and Papap. I will always have my love for them and I will always have the memories of time spent together. That will never change.

And no matter how crazy my life gets, it will be my constant.

The Mannequin in Me

Last Tuesday at work, I looked out our office window, only to find one of the weirdest things I have ever seen. A mannequin next to a dumpster. I have no idea how this statue made it's way there. Or where it went two days later.

It was a hollowed out shell with no insides. She had black high tops and a silver platter covered in fake blood, bad make up and a french maids outfit.

This is the view from by office. She stood alone and seemingly without purpose. I seemed to find myself looking out the window to see if she was still standing out there. Wondering what she was waiting for. She seemed solid from far way, like she was tied to the poll and would never be moved.

When I actually went down to see her close, it is then I realized she was hollow. Not tied down, not strong. If fact she was light, that if strong enough wind came by, it would knock her over without a second thought.

She was gone when I came in Thursday morning. I am not sure why she got to me. I think because, in the way I have mentioned above, I feel like her. From far away I want to be strong, a single mother, a full time employee. But up close, sometimes all it takes is a strong wind and everything comes crashing down.

New York

Last week Mason and I got a chance to spend a day in New York. Something I have only done a couple of times since since moving here over a year ago. We had planned to meet up with a friend who was visiting from Belgium, but unfortunately we were never able to find each other. So Mason and I made the most of it and spent a great day together in the Big Apple.

First we took a Taxi ride to Beardsley Park, where we ate hot dogs from a vendor and chased all the pigeons away.

Next we took the Stanton Island Ferry across the harbor and back. We got to get a close up of the Statue of Liberty and saw Manhattan from afar.

Mason and I also got to meet the "Silver Man". It was so funny because there were so many visitors that thought he was a statue. But after spending a summer as a pan handler, I knew better. I ended up giving Mason a dollar to prove to other people that he was real. And even after that they still couldn't believe it.

And lastly we took the subway to FAO Schwarz to play with the three floors of toys they offer. And the trip would not be complete without visiting the HUGE piano, which of course Mason wanted to buy.

Even though I was sad that I missed seeing my friend, I still had a wonderful day with Mason and I wouldn't change it for the world.

The Many Birthdays of Mason

I don't think there is a child on this planet that got to have as many birthdays as my son did. Here are the highlights.

First Mason got to spend his actual birthday at Disneyland. We had a great time at the park and I think it will be something Mason never forgets.

Next we spend a nice quite night with Grandma and one of the best cakes I have ever tasted. She got the idea from friends, to slice an angel food cake and fill it with strawberries and whipped cream. Mason ate every bite (and so did I).

Once we returned to Connecticut, I brought in cupcakes for his class along with party favors. A huge success with the kids and I think Mason loved being the center of attention.

Lastly we had a small Mother's Day/Birthday party at my sisters house. Five candles for Mason and one for both myself and my sister.

I am sure Mason loved all his birthdays and especially the fact that he is now 5. A point he brings up in almost every conversation we have.

This year will be full of many new beginnings, Kindergarden, reading, writing, and all the many discoveries that come with being 5. I can't wait.

Mason Turns 5

Today my baby turns 5 years old. I can't believe how fast the years have flown by. It seems like yesterday that my Dr. told me I would need to check into the hospital at midnight to be induced because I wasn't even dilated at 2 weeks after my due date.

I remember at this point I was covered in hives because I was so nervous about the big day. My whole body itched and I was just ready. Ready to welcome Mason into the world. Little did I know that it would be almost 27 hours later before that would actually happen.

He was born via C-Section shortly after 2am on May 6th. All 10lbs and 11oz. of him. And even though there were a few surprises that came along with his birth, I still stand by the fact the he is, hands down, the best thing that has ever happened to me.

And now every second is a blessing with him. He reminds me how to laugh everyday and even though he makes want to tear my hair out sometimes, he has taught me so many things about life and how to love someone unconditionally.

Happy Birthday Mason. I hope all your wishes come true.

Picture of the Day #6

Mason playing at one of his old haunts in California. His growth has become really apparent to me in just this one day that I have been here in So Cal. All the things Mason was to small for last year seem so easy for him now. Like sliding down polls and jumping from a few feet up. He amazes me all over again.

Picture of the Day #5

This is his birthday crown and his blanket. And yes he did this on his own. So cute!!

Saying Goodbye

Today I said goodbye to my son. Only for 5 days but it seems much longer. I drove him and my mother to the airport this morning and Mason looked so cute pulling his little suitcase behind him. He wanted to be like Grandma and I tried not to think about how it would feel when I had to to leave him at the security gate.

He ended up taking my hand and he gave me a kissing hand, it's from one of his favorite books. It is about a mother and son raccoon walking to take the son to school. The raccoon mother tells her son about the kissing hand. Where you place a kiss on the palm of your hand and whenever your lonely of sad you can press your palm to your cheek and say (as Mason put it) Mason loves you, Mason loves you. I started crying at that point.

As my mother told me when I was pregnant, that the love of a child is a love like you have never known, I realize that it is true. I miss him. I him so much right now.

Picture of the Day #4

Discoveries

I found this small glass the other day when I was outside my house with my son trying to make a little garden. We had dug up the earth and made some holes for the flowers, when all of a sudden this bottle came into view.

It was compacted with dirt but it seemed so delicate. I have no idea how long this bottle has lived under ground. I know that this house has been here for a long time, but the driveway was just redone last year. Either way I have taken a shining to this small glass bottle and it now keeps one of my house plants company.

I also spent a great Saturday with my son. Lego's dominated the activities today. We made houses and cars and dogs, and even a horse. But most of all we made some memories and nothing can beat that.

This Moment

A moment this week I want to remember:

Childhood Friendships

Idea from Soulemama

Kite Flying

Spring is quickly becoming my favorite season. I think last year I was so caught up in how I was going to get a job and going to find a place to live that I never really appreciated it. Now, experiencing it again after my first cold winter, makes me love it all the more. To have the sun shine, and the flowers blossom and seeing all the tree's start to bloom. It's wonderful.

Mason and I went kite flying today. It was a perfect day and we had a blast.

This is Mason holding the kite all by himself, sadly the kite came down pretty quickly after this picture but Mason is learning fast.